day dream believer

today i'm going to unapply (is that a word?) for a job in dc. and hoping it wont be a big mistake. i applied because the go-getter in me is ready for this promotion. but, what i didn't consider was the daydreamer in me.


i have always been an expert at day dreaming. i build time into my schedule in hopes that i will avoid being late because who knows when my brain will decide to take a lil trip. sometimes my mind will fill with so many ideas i feel like my head is going to explode. this year i promised i would try to make some of these dreams come true. i finally started working in earnest on my fashion line. (check me out @reconstructpd . pics will be up soon!) i'm working on  building arts programming with a non profit (@csbc ) even got myself a fancy title as the director of arts and community outreach. trying to give the people of baltimore a chance to reach for the stars. and hey look at me...blogging. my third goal for the year.

but, i also have a real life job. one that i'm very good at and enjoy. which is amazing. and it's natural for me to want to succeed. i just feel like the two hour commute will leave only time for dreaming and take away time from making the dreams a reality. i guess what i'm doing is taking a chance on myself.

and really.....who else should you take a chance on?

the man, the myth, the legend

Is John Legend the most romantic man alive? I think so. If he's not.... don't tell me for goodness sakes. This week two of his songs have been in my head.


http://youtu.be/c3FDGviwiJo
Sadly, right now I sing this to my cats.

And then there's this:

http://youtu.be/6jkfVBTNdDM

Chrissy Teigan you are one lucky girl!

Does anyone even slow dance anymore ?

fast no more

the time was 2:30. i just couldn't do it any longer. i would be having a normal conversation and suddenly blurt out "i'm hungry!". i think i was beginning to scare people. and myself.

i do feel proud of the days i was able to fast and think i can use this as a reboot of sorts for my life. i will continue the no smoking thing because wellllll it just makes sense. i will continue my early morning prayer/meditation because it kept me centered all day. i also will continue to fight my food addiction. now that i've proven to myself that food does not equal happiness!

this is all just part of my journey to be a better, healthier person. hmmmmm, maybe juice fast next?


i wish all of those who are participating in Ramadan lots of love and luck. i thank the ones i know personally who supported me and allowed me to share just a bit of their religion and culture.

challenge

today was rough. it started out this morning when i realized i slept through my "get up, eat and pray" alarm. the power was out on my block....i just had a general feeling of blah. i couldn't meditate because it was so hot so i just layed around until my afternoon shift.

i was looking forward to breaking my fast with the Muslim crew at work. but, i felt like an imposter so i went to eat by myself. i did try a date though, it was better than i thought.

hopefully i will be back on track tomorrow. all in all i am enjoying the clarity this experience is bringing even though i do feel a bit lonely without my vices.

"you know you're not Muslim right?"

so glad to be home from work! today was a real challenge. i work at Whole foods Market, the land of the free sample. i cannot tell you how many times i reached for a chip that was just sitting there waiting to be eaten. but, i did it!  i did take strolls past the meat and seafood depts though.....just eating with my eyes

some of my friends don't understand why i'm doing this (and to be honest i lost the reason a couple times today). what they don't know is that for the last couple months i have felt this weight, this ball of stress that was just getting bigger and bigger. i was losing focus and control over my emotions. which for an Aquarius is totally unacceptable! my co-worker and i started talking and she explained the basics of Ramadan. A former Muslim, she had planned on participating and told me how focused and at peace you become during this month. i talked to some other people and they said the same thing. i also thought this month would help me turn away from my three vices .....alcohol, cigarettes and food.

day 2 of the christian does ramadan

yawn... one day completed! last night i broke my fast with popeye's chicken (hey that's what the roomie got for din). i really expected to pig out but my stomach was full very quickly. i just had a large breakfast (casserole) in hopes i will be okay at work today. tonight i gotta get some veggies in my system!

for my spiritual reading i'm focusing on the Book of Psalms. it's always been uplifting. i also want to be better at meditating...my mind just wanders so much! today i really focused on deep cleansing breathes and that seemed to help.

time for more meditation and a quick nap before work. did i mention i work in a grocery store? Lord be with me!!!

6:14

so far i have spent the day writing, reading, praying and meditating. i just had a moment of weakness where i was like "forget this" but i will continue! sunset is at 8:14

i just read this awesome post by Food Republic:

http://www.foodrepublic.com/2011/08/01/5-myths-and-facts-about-ramadan-fasting?utm_source=twitter.com&utm_medium=social-media&utm_campaign=tweet. i will begin preparing my meal at 7:45.

It made me feel bad about my offhand statement about the bologna sandwich. i don't want to offend anyone or make light of this wonderful holiday. i have already received two unexpected blessings today. i feel that being more in tune with my higher power is the cause.

day one

just started day one of my observation of Ramadan. I really want to observe as many of the facets of this holy holiday as possible . so, i just had my morning meal (the suhoor) and prayer. Being a good southern girl ; my breakfast was a fried bologna sandwich and my prayer was to lil baby Jesus.

one of the things i prayed and meditated on was the life of homeless or poverity stricken people. the strength i asked for to complete this day (and month) is one they must say a thousand times a day......365 days a year.

i wish the spirit of empathy was more alive in this world. if each person took the time to give a hand to another human being daily, what an even more beautiful world we would live in!

here's a link that explains the suhoor way better than i can! now, time for a couple more hours of sleep.

p://blog.beliefnet.com/ramadan/2007/10/the-solitude-of-the-suhoor-the.html

fasting

Today (or tomorrow depending on the moon or something) begins Ramadan. The month where Muslims fast during the daylight hours and pray during certain times of the day. I'm not Muslim......just your average a Southern Baptist christian. But, something about this religious practice has always intrigued me. Spending a month, not taking in any nourishment from sunrise to sunset and abstaining from any worldly pleasures, with the intent of not only cleansing yourself spiritually but also as a reminder of the less fortunate is an admirable mission. So, I'm going to give it a try. Just smoked my last cig and had my last drink. I'm not promising I'm going to last a month but I'm going to give it my best shot! Happy Ramadan!

no phony bolognie

Mrs. Loney was my bus driver from kindergarten to sixth grade. She also was a member of my church and close family friend. She drove her bus with an iron fist. I remember one time some kids were acting up and she pulled the bus over. There were about six of us left and I was about two minutes from home. We stayed there for what seemed like forever until she decided we had all learned our lesson. If we misbehaved she would ask what our parents would think.....and then call them that evening or tell them on Sunday so we would find out.

She took her job seriously. We never had to worry about the trip to and from school. If we weren't met by an adult she made sure we got to our door no matter how long the line of cars was behind the bus. Along the way, she taught us about respect and responsibility.. She knew when we got report cards; always celebrating our successes and giving us encouragement when we needed it.

Today, two little girls in the after school program where I teach, asked me for a ride home. They didn't want to walk past the MEN hanging outside on their way home knowing they would call out for them to come over. The other teacher asked the girls what they thought the men wanted and one of them answered: "I don't know but I don"t want to find out".

Where are these children's Mrs. Loneys? Instead of a free bus that makes sure people can shop with ease, how about a Charm City Circulator that ensures our kids can get home safely; at least a ride home on a dark, cold winter's night. If we don't start investing in our kids; helping to fight the horrible circumstances some of them are surrounded by, how can we expect them not to succumb to their environment?

get out the way!

yes Kim K. You look a lil "cray cray"









ughhh! i really am my own worst enemy sometimes. i think too much about everything and that stops me from doing anything. for example, this blog. it was meant to be a way to hone my writing skills and put down on paper (well computer screen) how i feel about topics big and small. the other day, i decided i wanna talk about kim kardashian's new cornrowed hairdoo. i had a lot of witty comments in my head......"you got all that butt and every african-american football player on speed dial. can we at least keep a hairstyle?" and in response to the fact that she took a nap and woke up with this new look..."uhhh, no one sleeps while getting their hair braided..it's one of the top ten pain causing events a black women goes through.....and usually a 8 hour process".

so i have these things i wanna say and i sit at my laptop and freeze. i start thinking about kim kardashian who i really like and who gives me a serious case of butt envy (i mean really if i had that butt, i could probably rule the world!). i don't want to hurt her feelings! i think about all my white good girlfriends....i don't wanna make them uncomfortable! so, i froze. i have been staring at this screen for an hour. you wanna know what i realized? kim kardashian could care less what i think about her and my true friends know my heart. i will stop censoring what i want to say and just write! hey look...i did it!